The Key to Beating Burnout as a Christian Woman

Christian Counseling for Women in PA

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Sometimes we get so used to living out the routines and roles we've fallen into that we don't even stop to think if we are spending our time on the things we would say are our top priorities or consider if how we are doing things lines up with our values. 

Then suddenly we get stuck wondering things like, Why am I so exhausted? How can I keep doing it all?

When you’re unsure what to do, it’s hard to move forward. You can feel stuck and overwhelmed thinking about whether there is even anything different you could do to change things. 

The good news is, there are some things you can do to get clear on how to sift through those stressful areas and refocus your time and energy toward the right things and let go of the wrong things. This starts by recognizing what IS and IS NOT actually your responsibility and setting healthy boundaries to create more clarity between the responsibilities that belong to you and those that belong to someone else.

In this post, I’ll define healthy boundaries and give 3 areas of responsibility to guide your boundary lines. I hope that this will give you a clear framework so you can begin setting better boundaries to relieve stress and burnout while loving others through providing opportunity for their own growth.

The best way to beat burnout? Set Healthy Boundaries.

What are boundaries and what makes a boundary healthy?

A boundary is simply a clear line that separates one thing from another. Think of a fence that separates your backyard from your neighbors. 

Your neighbor would not (hopefully) come into your yard and plant a garden, nor would they ask you to come and plant one in their yard. 

Now, someone planting a garden in your yard might seem great at first! Especially if it means you get some of the fruits and veggies that come from it. You never planted a garden yourself, because you don’t have time to care for one. 

But imagine that they ask you if you can weed it one day. Okay, sure. Then that one day turns into 2, 3… 10. Before you know it, it has become expected that you take care of the garden. It has become a chore, and some of your other chores are piling up, because you just don’t have time for it all.

In fact, you didn’t water it for a few days and the neighbor gets angry at you for neglecting it. You finally see clearly that there is something very wrong here. But now you have a garden in your yard and you’re not quite sure how to get out of this situation. 

This might seem like an unlikely tale, because people usually respect property lines. But in relationships, boundary crossings like this happen all the time.

When it comes to personal and relationship boundaries, the “property lines” are a little more blurred, so it can be a lot harder to know where the line should be drawn. 

One of the best ways to help determine where the boundaries should be is by being clear on who is responsible for what. 

There are 3 areas of responsibility to consider when it comes to having healthy boundaries:

1. Your own God-given responsibility

2. Responsibility that belongs to another person

3. Things beyond your responsibility or influence 

We will look at each of these in greater detail for a clear understanding of where your responsibility begins and ends.

Once you are clear on what your responsibilities actually are, you can be more intentional about focusing on the things that actually matter in your life, reducing stress and burnout. 

1. Your God-given responsibility

Your responsibilities are the things that God has placed in your life that only you can do.

Examples of this include being a mom, doing the job you were hired to do, paying your bills on time, nurturing your relationship with Jesus, spiritual growth, and speaking kindly to others. 

Proverbs 29:11 gives a good picture for this - “A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.” You are responsible for how you act and react.” 

Knowing your own responsibility is crucial to having healthy boundaries, because, if you don’t, it is easy to fall into the trap of over-reliance on others to step in and do these things for you. Not knowing your responsibilities also leaves space for taking on things that are not your responsibility, leading to frustration that things in your own life are not being taken care of. 

Many people who are not used to having clear boundaries start out on the right track by trying to set boundaries when they realize things are not quite the way they should be, but then get stuck because they start to feel guilty or give in when someone gets angry and pushes back against their boundary. 

And then they wind up giving up on their boundary and become resentful toward the other person who is seemingly benefitting from the lack of boundary. 

The key to setting healthy boundaries without guilt is to know your own responsibilities and why those need to come before taking on any other responsibility. 

Put it to action:

Write a list of 5 things that you and only you can take care of in your life. 

2. Other people’s responsibilities

Other people's responsibilities are the things that someone else is responsible for and you cannot do for them.

You may have some influence over it, but ultimately it is beyond your control.

Examples of this include someone’s reaction to what you say or do, a teen waking up on time for school, an employee following company procedures, and an adult son or daughter's faith. 

One way boundaries get crossed is by taking on these kinds of responsibilities for other people, only to end up frustrated, because, no matter how hard you try, you cannot do these things for another person. 

You might do everything possible to keep someone from being mad at you, only to fail, because the person will find a reason to be mad at you no matter what you do. 

You might tell your teen to get up for school 25 times morning after morning, getting frustrated and angry, only to have them repeatedly roll out of bed 5 minutes before you’re ready to leave. 

Perhaps you need to confront and discipline an employee for breaking policy, only to feel guilty while they once again make an excuse - and you give in when they beg for yet another chance. 

Without being clear on what the other person's responsibility is and what yours is, it is easy to get pulled into guilt and resentment as you cross over the boundary you were set on keeping. 

What can you do?

A really useful way to reduce guilt and squash your desire to give in is to have a clear understanding of how your boundary hands the other person their responsibility back to them and helps them grow by setting them up for future success in life. 

Hebrews 12:11 tells us, “For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”

Put it to action:

Write down some ways you are taking on a responsibility that belongs to someone else. Beside each, write down how it would benefit the person to take on their own responsibility and what boundary you might set to support that.

For example, you might tell your teen you will not be waking them up anymore and help them set up an alarm that they will be in charge of setting each evening. You might also remind them of the natural consequence of being late for school if they do not wake up in time. 

3. Things beyond your responsibility or influence 

Things beyond your responsibility or influence can cause stress and anxiety but are things you can't do anything about.

Examples of this could be world events, natural disasters, things happening on social media, and people you may know but don’t really have a relationship with. 

I hesitate to say anything is beyond our influence, because we must always be praying for people around us and the things happening in our world. But there are things that we can’t directly do something about. 

Any situation that can not be influenced by your boundaries would fall into this category. 

This is an area we must entrust to God and not get bogged down in such a way that causes us to neglect the things that are our actual responsibility. 

Psalm 131, “Lord, my heart is not haughty, Nor my eyes lofty. Neither do I concern myself with great matters, Nor with things too profound for me.”

Put it to action:

To see if you are falling into the trap of getting too caught up in things that are beyond your control, write down any areas that you find yourself distracted by or are using to avoid your direct responsibility. This might be repeatedly checking the news, scrolling social media, or checking your ex’s social media page. 

Cultivating Healthy Boundaries

There you have it! The 3 factors to consider for setting healthy boundaries as a Christian woman. 

It may seem like a lot, but, like most things, it's more about cultivating these things in your life, rather than reaching perfection.

Start by prioritizing your own responsibilities. This will ensure those are taken care of first without your time and energy being taken up by things that belong to someone else.

What's next?

If you want to explore healthy boundaries further within your own life and your unique situation, click below to learn more about how to get started with Christian counseling in PA with Amy.

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